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Lets talk about slut shaming...


Ok boys and girls lets talk about slut shaming. Before we get to the good parts lets understand the definition of the phrase Slut Shaming. Slut shaming is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as: The action or fact of stigmatizing a woman for engaging in behavior judged to be promiscuous or sexually provocative. Before I was married I engaged in promiscuous behavior and as a stripper I most definitely behaved (and sometimes still do) in a sexually provocative manner. So, by definition I am a slut. Before you valiantly come to my defense, if the shoe fits I will happily lace that bitch up and wear it, and in this case, it does.


Now that we have established the definition and that I am one, lets get in to why slut shaming is not only wrong and fucked up, but actually reveals far more about the one doing the shaming than the one getting shamed. Sex is a natural and normal part of life. It is one of the strongest drives that humans as well as animals have. When any natural and normal drive is suppressed or repressed, whether willing or unwilling, it can bring humans to make some pretty fucked up choices. Far too many Catholic priests, and other religious authority figures have given us a fine example of what happens when you suppress such a powerful drive.

Sluts for the most part, provide us with an example of what happens when women don’t feel the need to suppress their sexuality. Free to express themselves through clothing, dancing, or other mediums, sluts illustrate what it means to be untethered from societies’ ideals of how a lady (or man) should act. For this act of rebellion, they are rewarded with stigma and verbal abuse from both sexes. Why? Let me offer my theory.


A woman will slut shame another woman while secretly wishing they could be so free. When I first started dancing I got a lot of slut shaming from many women that I later became friends with. Only to have them eventually confess they wish they had the courage I did. Our self-esteem and self-worth so closely aligns to our sexuality that to see someone else openly express themselves in that way, invokes envy and in turn shit talking and slut shaming.

Insecurity about their looks and how other people will judge them can lead some women down a spiral of misery that has a simple but uncomfortable cure. Self-expression and self-acceptance can turn a miserable slut shaming woman into a confident and more fulfilled slut. Women get caught in the trap of comparing themselves to each other, while utterly failing to recognize how sexy they really are. Beauty and sexiness are an illusion. Trust me, some of the hottest girls I worked with over the years looked like the Crypt Keeper without their make-up. It’s all smoke and mirrors and fairly easy to achieve. Given the right tools, any woman can look like the slut they really are or want to be. Once that happens, the urge to slut shame other women simply disappears.


Now for the male slut shamers. Guys who attack women for being sluts were in fact some of my best customers. They too are insecure and threatened by a confident woman. A woman who is secure in her own sexuality is terrifying to a guy who has no understanding of how to relate to such a woman. They attack and belittle, then go home and jerk off thinking about the very woman they just shamed.


In the strip club, these guys are thrilled to think that a woman like that would find them attractive. So much so, that they will easily give up hundreds of dollars only to go home and jerk off. Spoiler alert: it is highly unlikely that that stripper actually found that guy attractive. This becomes apparent when he reaches his ATM withdrawal limit. If he figures out that she isn’t really hot for him, he will likely call her a dirty slut.


When someone attacks another person’s sexuality they are inadvertently revealing their own low self-worth. It is a simple fact that criticizing someone else is far easier than it is to take a look at ones self. This is of course not limited to attacking someone based on their perceived sexuality, people attack others all the time because it just makes them feel better about themselves. It’s simply a failure to mature beyond a middle school mentality.


If you find yourself slut shaming someone for wearing a tight pair of jeans, taking a twerking or pole dancing class, take a second to consider if you are in fact suppressing your own inner slut. Go ahead, be promiscuous (wear a rubber of course), be sexually provocative (where appropriate, twerking at the grocery store or neighborhood playground would likely not be appropriate), and be the best fucking slut you can be.

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© 2019 Erin Louis